My High

I’m here at Barnes and Noble enjoying my latest “culillo”, a $4.55 Chai Latte with soy milk. Like so many others I have succumbed to the craze of paying such a ridiculous amount of money for a cup of coffee. But I realize that most people do it to be in a social environment and when you look at both the effect and prize of a beer at a bar, this is quite inexpensive and less detrimental to one’s health.

Last night I was watching a war series by Tom Hanks, The Pacific. At the end of the series the soldiers come home and begin to cope with what is described as “Post Stress Syndrome” and I realize that I have gone through this for the past 27 years. I have also figured out that it has to do with the life question of “Why?”. I believe this is the same question we ask ourselves when entering a midlife crisis and accelerated when we survive what can be a horrific episode in our lives. We ask of G-d…..why? Why did this happen to me, why did I survive while others around me did not and then comes the other question we ask of G-d…..so now what?

With this in mind I feel that I have been suffering from PSS for the past 27 years. I did my part to bring freedom to a large number of people and soon afterwards inflicted damage on myself which took me these past 27 years to recover.

I now find myself practically starting from scratch. During all this time I have continually asked G-d “Why?” and “Where to from here?”. I can figure that my answers lie somewhere within myself and perhaps the best one is to ignore the reasons as to why things are the way they are and continue living out one’s role in G-d’s Divinity/Divine Plan, faithfully believing that your answer, it there is one at all, will come to you.

My attitude shifts with the effect of the caffeine in my “Chai Latte with Lactose free Soya Milk”-(sounds like such a Gay drink)….and I begin to enjoy the beauty and rarity of this unusually cold morning in South Florida (it is in the 40s and the sun is shining brightly). Bundled up people are making their way to work and among the rest of the sparse B&N morning crowd I sit by the window taking it all in.

I am thankful that I am going to my own little shop and be able to exercise my creativity and pitch it against the odds against me. Perhaps later when the caffeine high fades and I am faced with slacking sales figures, limited inventories and limited funding I will sink into the ever present reality of retailing. For now I face it all as a “challenge and not a burden” amid my little piece of reality.